Hippies with Crystals

I gotta ask, when is it appropriate to accept acts of charity?

So Sunday afternoon we decide to get ourselves some free lunch over at the Hindu temple. Being a famiy who must collectively forge for food in expensive vancouver is kinda tough in these times so when we can feed a family for less...hey it is a relief and one less stress to add to our day...which in this city, stress is tossed at us on the regular...

Whenever I go there I feel this incredible reverence, I don't understand the culture, nor the traditions...I want to be as respectful as I am capable of being. Perhaps it is knowing how disruptive, disempowering and often times a major drain it can be to see others take pieces of your culture and use it to their advantage without really having knowledge, understanding or genuine appreciation. I also feel this gratitude towards the fact that in the past when I've gone to temple on sundays for lunch, I often see the local homeless guys (most of which are native) waiting in line and think to myself...well if there is one place where displaced peoples are able to contribute to the onkwehonwe of turtle island, then hell a free lunch is a damn good start! Not the end of course cause obviously we have alot of work to do yet in terms of our relationships with one another on this land...I believe we have the ability to stand side by side, however it is crucial that we recognize our positions in relation to each other in order for that side by side relationship to even exist...perhaps this comes into my mind when I go to temple...

cause it is a needed service they provide to the community, when so many are hungry all the time...

Well me and Jade walked up to 11th, been looking forward to this meal all week. As we round the corner we are struck with this line up that consisted of concentric social clique circles that went as far down as two blocks! Now of course the thoughts pop to mind...

the economy is bad

the lunch is really good

other people require a break from 'buying' food as well...

Then the colors of the crowd unveiled expensive chuck taylor shoes, dime store jewellery coupled with a cotton t-shirt that has a screenprint that goes for like $60, designer leggings, expensive vintage clothing store finds...it was the land of hipsters...and what was really disturbing was that these people had called each other up in their hung-over stuperdom to hang out in groups and 'go for lunch' as if it were some midday party hour...AT THIS HINDU TEMPLE!!!

Now this does make me uncomfortable to say this, and I introduce this next statement with that because it is difficult sometimes to point it out when you know damn well it is really bothering you...

Every person in that crowd was white! Middle class...appearing...young healthy...without a family to feed as there were no signs of children or familial relations...tho of course it was difficult to see through all the neon colors and scruffy exposed chest hair to really know for sure...

Where were all the homeless guys I see frequent the place every sunday? The ones you throw 'the chin' at when you pass by them and say a few 'hey hows it goin's...

Probably walked away from this loud, brash, attention grabbing crowd of hip white people cause it was kinda disorienting and always intimidating to walk into a scenario like that...especially when you are not ONE OF THEM...

They stare at you, gawk even...look up and down your clothing...YA THATS RIGHT WE ARE WEARING OUR FUCKING SWEATPANTS!!

And they were really pissed when we proceeded to cut in line because it was obvious that this crowd was not going to be fully fed...there were like 3 times the people then normal...

Being the ever abnoxious native woman I am (and proud of that), I voiced my disdain to Jade (hey gotta be a mentor) loudly and without holding back...if they can feel good talking shit about my pants then I can feel good talking shit about their frivolous and rather white-privilege-soaked egos that seem to make noticeable gestures towards us to indicate that yes thats right, they ARE better then us...

Even as I felt myself fill with general frustration that this service is being blatantly over-used and under-appreciated (welcome any points to debate that), that the people making the food are often giving looks of disdain and frustration, (I wonder why)...I continued to walk that line, determined to get that lunch that will save us a few dollars so we can actually go to a movie today (family time doing something that we've been wanting to do for awhile) positive activities that a youth like Jade can enjoy with us, cause there are alot of scary alternatives...

It was too much, maybe I made it too much...maybe I'm sick of pretending to be okay with scenarios like that because I feel my elevated emotion is rooted in suppressing it in so many situations...

How many people get like that?

The apathy of this crowd reminded me of a recent incident here in Vancouver where Curtis Brick, one of our homelesss native brothers, died tragically after suffering all day in the open sunlight in record breaking hot temperatures! He was in a very highly frequented park, one where people rest on the grass on sunny days, hundreds of people probably passed him in that time, some sat right there with their guitars and blunts...BUT THEY LET HIM SUFFER!

And he died...

It hurts okay, it hurts and yes Sunday was a trigger to this truth...a feeling of BEING ALONE BECAUSE NO ONE IN THAT CROWD REALLY SAW US...or themselves for that matter because they are missing a piece of their humanity with that behaviour.

I had to speak to a youth I was working with at a camp a few weeks ago who believed that "Racism no longer existed in East Van"...

His experience of course...

Well I told him about being watched when I go into stores, that the likelihood of that happening tripled when my hair grew long. That I've had waitresses run towards me when I get up to pay the cheque out of fear that my family will commit a 'dine n dash'...how I gotta hear about all the indigenous and colored young people getting beat up senselessly by police at random times...for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time...

I continued to debate the fact that being 'color blind' doesn't eliminate this truth for me or for alot of people who don't have that experience...especially those of us who are racialized...

Eric Shweig, a native actor who was the first person to aide Curtis Brick before his tragic death expressed his disdain recently on his blog (link found below), where he referred to the 'Hippies with crystals'...he wished very awful things upon these people, and frankly I don't blame him...I feel him, I SEE HIM..HE IS NOT ALONE IN THAT FEELING...

And I don't think alot of us are alone in these feelings, the next question is...what are we going to do about it?

Are we going to continue to feel shame, guilt or embarrassment when we acknowledge the presence of white privilege?

Are we going to find a way to reveal our truths to one another in a way that will create healing and eradicate this ingrained societal disease?

Cause I can't pretend to be nice anymore, I also can't pretend that I feel like "WE ARE ALL ONE" when I'm obviously not treated that way...though will often be chastised by my white friends who claim I am angry and likely to be the downfall of freedom...

FREEDOM = BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS YOUR TRUTH

Stop telling me what I can't say, start letting me say what I NEED to say...

and there is no shame or guilt or embarrassment involved in any of us doing that!


Grandview Park death of Native Man CTV coverage
http://www.ctvbc.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20090816/bc_park_death_folo_090816/20090816/?hub=BritishColumbiaHome

Eric Schweig's Blog
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=273528588&blogId=503048697

Curtis Brick Memorial Rally Wednesday August 19th 2009
http://www.youtube.com/user/tinacherilyn